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His mom’s eyes crinkled in concern, eyeing Zed with one of her sympathetic gazes, like the poor dear just couldn’t get his life together.

  It didn’t matter what he did, how much he did it, how much success he had in his life, his mom always seemed to regard him as the ten-year-old geeky, sensitive kid who studied hard as a child and got into trouble a lot when he was in his late teens and early twenties. And “couldn’t”—not wouldn’t, or simply hadn’t found the right woman—couldn’t find a wife, like that should be his sole purpose in life and he had something seriously wrong with him.

  “Is everything okay, honey?”

  “It’s fine. I’m not in the mood to talk.”

  “Mom, let him be,” Caitlin said. “Look, Jeff’s got the camera and he’s ready. My kids are going ballistic in the corner playing with their new friend Marni. Grayson’s kids are out in the back wreaking havoc and we need to move things along.”

  His mom’s mouth fell open. “This is a special moment.”

  Ever the soother, Caitlin continued. “Of course, it is. We all know how much it means to you. Now you take your place next to Lawson and let’s get this show on the road.”

  “Yeah, and I have to get to the gym. I’m starting my triathlon training today.”

  “You’re leaving?” his mom practically whimpered.

  “I’m participating in the race for Rickie’s school, remember? That’s something you might be proud of me for.” Zed instantly regretted his words, realizing the moment was becoming a family scene, complete with onlookers.

  “I’m sorry, dear, I’ve been so wrapped up in your brother’s return. Of course, I’m proud of your efforts.”

  “My efforts?” Zed’s face fell. “Not my accomplishments, but my efforts?”

  His brother’s booming voice interrupted, saying, “It’s hard to be proud of someone who’s done so many things he’s not proud of.”

  “What are you talking about? What have I done that’s so despicable? So what if I partied a lot and…” He started to say and screwed a woman or fifteen, but didn’t want to embarrass his mother. He’d also have added, at least I don’t have the man-whore legacy of Jace, but that wouldn’t win him any points either. Zed’s gut boiled with rage. “I can’t believe you said that, Lawless,” he said quietly. “We all have things we’re not proud of, even you. Especially you.”

  His brother’s face paled for a second, but as usual, he quickly recovered with Marine-like precision, grinned his evil grin, and said, “Mom, I appreciate all you’ve done to get this party together. Let’s take the photo so my brother here can get on with his heroic attempts to redeem himself.”

  Attempts? Fucking attempts? Like vain attempts? Zed’s anger grew so intense, he thought he’d have a heart attack, same as his dad. He dragged his hand through his hair, his eyes casting about for support. He didn’t want to cause a scene in front of all these people. He caught sight of Jace, shaking his head slightly at him in warning.

  Jace twirled his finger in a “let’s get this moving” moment, and added a quick thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the front door.

  The rest of the hour proceeded in a numb blur. Zed smiled for the camera, barely heard the platitudes his sister spewed toward Lawson, and then, slipped away without saying goodbye to Ma. He figured his mom wouldn’t miss him. Not with Lawson around to fawn over.

  He clomped to the dirt lot with Zoé, Jace, and Marni, his insides starting to make room for breathing to occur.

  “Holy fucking shit,” Jace said, when they’d reached the truck. “That scene with the photo was intense.”

  “Yeah, and awkward. I felt so bad for you, Zed,” Zoé said, placing Marni in the child’s seat.

  “Was it that bad?” Zed asked, concern etched on his face, chewing on his lip.

  “Uh, yeah. None of us onlookers knew what to do except for stare and shuffle,” Jace said. “Man, looks like you and your bro have an axe to grind, big time.”

  Zed’s face flushed but he kept quiet.

  “I’m not going to pry or anything,” Jace began.

  “Right,” Zoé said, shutting the door to Marni’s side. “Since you’ve learned to open up, you don’t give either of us a break. ‘Zoé, tell me this. Zoé, don’t keep your feelings hidden. Zed, what’s eating you today,’” she said in a deep voice.

  “Secrets can destroy you,” Jace said.

  Zoé smirked. “Hand me the diaper bag, stud. I need to get a bottle for Marni girl.”

  He extended the brown and gold bag in her direction.

  She reached in, retrieved the bottle for Marni, and then stepped up to Zed to give him a quick hug goodbye.

  “You’re as bad as an ex-smoker, Savage,” Zed said after he’d exchanged farewells. “Only you promote exhaling your private thoughts and inhaling someone else’s advice to replace the smoking part.”

  “You’re only as sick as your secrets,” Jace said smugly.

  “Let me guess—a Mitch-ism?”

  “Sort of. He learned it in AA. But seriously, man, you’ll feel better once you unload with a trusted friend or family member. Believe me. If I didn’t have Zoé…” He shook his head.

  “Thanks, babe,” Zoé said, wandering to the passenger side. “Sorry to move things along but we have just enough time to pick up my Jeep so you two can male bond over your bodies.”

  “Not going to touch that one, baby,” Jace said.

  “Me neither,” Zed added quickly.

  Zoé scoffed as she hopped up to the bucket seat inside Jace’s roomy truck. “Have fun with Jace,” she called to Zed.

  Fun wasn’t on his agenda. He only hoped to work his body so hard he’d forget today ever happened…or last year.

  Chapter 9

  Training kept his mind off things like asshole brothers and jilted hearts. After the workout, sweaty, and ready for a beer and a sit-down and relax, Zed bid Jace farewell and slid into his truck to head home. They’d gone to the local high school and used the track to clock in eight, one-minute runs, each followed by a one-minute walk, then thirty minutes of moderate paced bike riding. Since he hadn’t felt too winded, he’d added a couple more rounds on the track before stopping. Easy peasy. Tomorrow they’d start at the Y with swimming.

  He grabbed his teal blue ball cap off the dash and plunked it on his head. He pulled his phone out of the glove box and saw no less than ten text messages and two voice mails. Beck? He thought hopefully. He quickly thumbed through the texts. Caitlin. His heart fell a little. He read, Call me, followed by two more Call me’s, followed by other versions with exclamation points and Please! I’m freaking out! The voice mails were more of the same. Hoping nothing had happened to her or the kids, he quickly tapped in her number.

  “Zed!” Caitlin breathed into the phone. “I’ve been waiting for you to call.”

  “What’s up? What happened?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Sweaty from working out, but other than that, yeah. Why?”

  “I overheard Lawson on the phone saying you needed roughing up as a reminder.”

  Goose bumps rippled across Zed’s scalp. “He what?”

  “What I said. What’s going on with you two? Your ongoing war seems worse than ever. What happened?”

  “I, uh, don’t know, sis,” Zed lied.

  “Come on,” his sister pressed. “Don’t bullshit me.”

  Zed blew his breath out. “I’m not at liberty to say. I’ll be worse than roughed up if I say anything.”

  “You’re scaring me, bro.”

  “I don’t mean to be. Look, let it go. I’m fine. You know how Lawson talks tough.”

  “Yeah, but something’s different in him since he returned. We haven’t seen him in a while but he seems way different than last I saw him. Twitchy. Even his laughter seems forced.”

  “Tell me about it,” Zed agreed.

  “And what’s with the gloves? I’ve never know him to wear gloves.”

  “Yeah, come to think of it, you’re right.�
�� Zed said

  “So you noticed it, too?”

  “I knew about it before he showed up. He’s not being straight with himself. Or with any of us.”

  “What do you know?” his sister asked eagerly. She’d always been able to weasel out information from him, even when they were kids. “Have you seen him recently?”

  “Uh…not recently, recently.”

  “That’s a total yes!” she guessed, like a cat pouncing on a mouse. “You are so going to tell me!”

  “Ah, shit. I really don’t want to say anything. I don’t want to put you in the middle of things.” Zed rustled around in his gym bag for his water bottle, taking a long draw once he had it in hand.

  “I’m already in the middle. I’m your middle sister.”

  Zed smiled. “You share that role with Grayson.” He fit the key in the ignition, and powered it up.

  “He doesn’t count. He keeps to himself.”

  Zed winced at the irony. “Ouch. He does, too, count. We all count.”

  “I’m kidding. Tell you what, I’ll see if I can get Jeff to watch the kids and I’ll take you out to dinner, what do you say?”

  “I dunno, sis, I kinda wanted to get cleaned up and chill for a bit.”

  “Chill with me. I’ll buy you beer and tacos at Necesario Barrio, your favorite taco joint.”

  At the thought of food, Zed’s mouth began to water. “What time?”

  “Five thirty. That way I can be home for bath time and putting to bed time. Let me chat with Jeff and I’ll text you. Go get cleaned up. You’re going to tell me.”

  “I don’t--” Zed began.

  “Zip it. I don’t want to hear it. I’m your big sister. I’ll see you in a few.”

  She hung up before he could issue another protest.

  Forty-five minutes later, he and Caitlin sat in a booth in a quiet corner at Necesario’s, sipping frothy pints of ale and munching on tortilla chips and salsa.

  “So,” Caitlin said. “Spill it. What’s eating you and Lawson? He behaved like a total prick today, if I do say so myself. Didn’t even offer to help clean up. Took off with a couple of his groupies in tow.” She popped a crunchy chip in her mouth.

  “I’m sure he’s ashamed.”

  “Of what?”

  “Nothing,” Zed said dismissively. “Was one of them the brunette, Nora?”

  “The one you were crushing on last year?”

  “Yeah, that one.” He winced, thinking of her.

  “No, why?”

  Zed felt a stab of victory that his brother didn’t have her, followed by a good riddance. He hoped she’d got the hint and gone to find her next victim. “No reason.”

  “Tell me.” She picked up her fork and poked the top of his hand.

  “Ow! Stop it.”

  She waved the fork at him. “Tell me or I’ll go for your eyes next.”

  “Jesus, Caitlin,” Zed said. He thought about how much—strike that—how little he’d be willing to divulge. Jace’s words about sharing with a loved one surely didn’t mean offloading a horrid tale, right? He formed a watered down story in his mind. “Remember I had to go to San Diego last year to attend a seminar?”

  “Yeah, I remember.” She picked up her beer and took a swig.

  “I ran into Lawson.”

  “What? How could he have been in San Diego?”

  “He was on some sort of leave. He didn’t want to show up here.”

  “Shut up! You’re shitting me. Mom would be devastated knowing that.”

  “Yeah, well it came as a surprise to me, too. Anyway, I’d booked a room for me and Nora and she flew down to spend the weekend with me. I had to make stops in San Francisco and Ashland, Oregon, to pick up plants for The Farm, so I took the truck. Nora and I were hanging at a pub, when who should walk in but His Highness.”

  “Go on,” Caitlin said, leaning forward.

  “He didn’t see me and why would he expect to?”

  “No, kidding,” Caitlin said. “And then what happened?”

  “I kind of slid down in my booth so I wouldn’t be seen. He was the last person I wanted to see.” Zed stopped when the waitress sauntered over, carrying a tray of the best damn tacos around.

  She plunked the plates in front of Zed and his sister, along with hot sauce, and chimed, “Anything else?” Her eyes were trained on Zed.

  “We’re good,” Zed said.

  The sexy young waitress, with short brown hair and huge brown eyes, paused and stared at him, opened her mouth as if to say something, and then shut it and disappeared.

  “I’ll bet she thinks you’re cute,” Caitlin said, conspiratorially.

  “Whatever,” Zed said. He picked up the hot sauce and doused his tacos.

  “Zed, you don’t realize how handsome you are.”

  “Thank you.” He reddened and took a swallow of ale.

  “Seriously,” she urged.

  “Got it. Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?”

  She smirked and smiled. “Dish it.”

  Zed took a big bite of his spicy potato and chorizo taco, washing it down with a swallow of beer. He wondered how much he should share. He guessed sharing his brother’s girlfriend stealing scheme was harmless enough. The part about overhearing him and his marine pal? Maybe not. He fast-forwarded the event. “Anyway, Lawson finally spotted me, took a look at Nora and snatched her out from under me.”

  Caitlin’s face fell. “That’s it? I dragged you down here to find out Lawson stole another one of your love interests? I mean, that’s brutal and all, but pretty anticlimactic.” She took a bite of her fish taco, the juices running down her chin. She dabbed them with her white paper napkin and glared at Zed. “There’s got to be more to the story that this. He’s done that to you before. That’s old news. That’s Lawson being his usual dick-like self.”

  Zed lifted a shoulder, chewing.

  “Come on, Zed. There’s more, isn’t there?”

  “Maybe,” he said. “And maybe I don’t want to tell you. I merely wanted to exploit you for tacos and beer.” He popped the last of his first taco in his mouth with greasy fingers, chewed and swallowed, smiling through the delicious mouthful. As he licked his lips and wiped his fingers, he thought the look on Caitlin’s face priceless. She looked like she’d bust a gut—either that, or leap across the table and strangle him. “Don’t look so pissed. I’m doing you a favor keeping you in the dark.”

  “No, you’re not. I’m worried about you. Hearing Lawson say he needed to mess you up didn’t sound like the kind of thing you’d say if you stole someone’s girlfriend. He should feel pleased, unless he has a conscience which we both know he doesn’t.”

  “You’ve got that right,” Zed said, shuddering. He lifted his empty glass in the direction of the waitress when he caught her eye. “You want another?”

  “Thanks, no. I’m savoring this one until I have to go home and play mom. It’s such a relief to take a break from my life. You’re doing me a favor by letting me drink and eat with you, without a kid or a husband around. But that doesn’t mean you get to get out of telling me the truth.” Her lips pressed together in that serious, no-nonsense way she had when she’d reached her limit of bullshit.

  Zed had seen it a time or two when she dealt with her kids or Jeff. “What if I tell you part of it?”

  “I might accept that. Which part? I don’t need to hear about a threesome with you, Lawson, and Nora.”

  “Shit, there’s a disgusting thought.” Zed nodded at the waitress who placed his next amber ale on the table, removing his empty glass. When she paused, he gamely gave her a wink he didn’t feel like giving, to keep his sister off his back.

  The woman smiled and sauntered away with a saucy bounce to her step.

  “Atta boy. Work it.” Caitlin smiled at him.

  Zed took a chug, ran his hand through his hair, chewed on his lower lip and looked at his sister. “I don’t think I should say anything.”

  “Come on.”

&nb
sp; “I’m afraid I’ll put you in danger.”

  “Puh-lease, you’re being dramatic.”

  “No, sis,” Zed said, giving her a hard glare. “I’m not.” He picked up his napkin, wiped his fingers again, and then launched into his next taco.

  She shivered. “Now you have to tell. You’re freaking me out.” Her forehead had creased into a deep frown.

  Zed chewed the mouthful of food thoughtfully. He found he wanted to tell someone. He’d carried the burden for a year, held captive by his secret. He swallowed and said, “Can I trust you? You have to promise, and I mean promise, not to tell anyone. This has to be our secret.”

  She made a cross on her chest with her index finger. “I promise.”

  Zed let out a sigh. “You know how he just got that bronze star?”

  “Yeah, of course, that’s why we had the big party.”

  “He didn’t really earn it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean just that. He should have been discharged for misconduct or penalized for--” He quickly shut his mouth. “I don’t know how the military deals with what he did.”

  “What?” Caitlin’s eyes grew wide. “What are you saying?”

  Zed blew his breath out with a sigh. “Here’s the deal. I told you I slid down in my seat when he passed by me. I pulled my menu up high so my face couldn’t be seen. He sat in the booth right behind me. Nora was jabbering about something so she didn’t notice. So we’re sitting there eating, I’m barely listening to Nora—she’s not the brightest female—nodding my head in what I hoped were the right places, and--”

  “You always like them smart,” his sister said with a nod, interrupting him.

  “Yeah. I was bottom feeding at the time. I never really liked Nora. Taking what I could get. When Jace and I were on the outs, he stole anyone I even considered. I didn’t have a lot of confidence going for me at the time.” Zed chewed on the inside of his cheek, his lips working furiously to keep his emotions in check. “Still don’t.”

  “Zed,” his sister said soothingly.

  “Stop. No sympathy. I…I kind of deserved Jace’s wrath. I…I’d slept with his now ex-girlfriend.”

  “Ew,” Caitlin said. “TMI. That skank ho Kate Bethlehem was…let’s just say that’s a horrid image I’ll never be able to scrub from my mind.”